Friday, December 13, 2013

Round Table Discussion: Domestic Discipline



Round Table Discussion: Domestic Discipline

I have spanking desires. I always have. I have been intrigued by DD (although it wasn’t called that yet at that point) since I was just barely an adult. Having a worthy male (my Husband) master me is irresistible. I long to be swept off of my feet and over his knee if need be. I like the idea that he can help me let go of everything that weighs on my mind all of the time, that he can help center me in a way that I have trouble doing for myself when left to my own devices. I also love that when he does “master” me all of that to do list falls to the wayside and I can focus 100% on him. Otherwise the “to do” list wins all too often. Sad but true.

My husband and I have been practicing DD for 5 ½ years. I think the way it looks in our relationship has changed every single year, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. At first we were all in. I surrendered to him completely. I vowed to obey him 100% all the time. We started with a few laid out rules and worked our way to more. By the time a year was up we had a nice list going. We had weekly maintenance & we worked discipline out in various ways until we found what worked for us. Weekly maintenance helped us get used to spanking/being spanked. For awhile that is when discipline happened as well. We used a penny jar system. If I earned a spanking I would have to add a penny to our jar. Pennies were worth one minute of spanking each. As soon as we were able we settled up.

CDD appealed to me the most during this time because there were so many amazing resources to read and work on. I have always been someone who needs both the head and the heart to work in synch (and let’s not forget the bottom.) I needed to study, read, & work through material to put my focus where I wanted it to be. Christianity has an abundance of resources. Mainstream did not. For two years we were well seated in the CDD label. At a point we were ready to expand our horizons. We were changing (my groups were changing too) & we were exploring new aspects of DD. We at that point moved on to LDD (Loving Domestic Discipline, which has evolved so much since the term was first coined.)

DD is a three-fold flame for me. First it creates order out of chaos for me. It keeps me well grounded and motivates me to physically “do life.” Secondly, the intimacy it creates is intoxicating. DD has enhanced our authentic communication, healed & eliminated any walls that we have built and quickly keeps new walls from forming, and allows an outlet for passion that builds up inside.

Every year new levels and layers are revealed of needs that can be met with DD. Some years it is household functions, others it is peeling back the layers & healing parts of us that are hurt or broken and creating new & healthier habits and still other years our focus is our sexuality and intimacy. Sometimes it’s all of this at once and others DD is just running in the background habits so ingrained that we don’t even realize that DD is still functioning, but yet it is there all the while.

I no longer label myself. We are not cdd, ldd, bdsm, or anything else. We are Jeff & Corinne. We use DD in our marriage & we incorporate all sorts of other things in for fun as well. That does not define us though. In all honestly I think labels shmabels. At some point labeling yourself only boxes you in. At first what felt freeing and like a light bulb moment becomes restrictive. As you explore yourself and your partner you find that you want to explore and incorporate things that don’t fit inside the box (a self imposed box might I add.) My advice at that point is NOT to compare yourself to others, but to get rid of the dang box!

If you want to mix sex and discipline there is nothing wrong with that! Conversely if it works better for you to keep it completely separate then by all means that is what you should do. If you want to add in butt plugs, ginger root, and frontal spanking there is nothing to stop you but yourself. Those who tell you it is wrong or not DD are wrong themselves. It just isn’t for them which is more than okay too. If corner time feels abusive then do not use it. If writing lines in addition to a spanking is the only way to really get through then do it. You can have as tame of a DD relationship as you desire or as spicy. And even if you play and are a spanko at heart you can still enjoy a very successful DD relationship. It’s all in the way that you map it out. If you only use spanking twice a year, yes, you are still in a DD relationship. It is normal to go through long periods of time without any discipline or even mention of DD. Life happens. I wouldn’t stress about it. It will circle back around.

DD does not solve all of life’s maladies. In fact it can become a malady itself. What I think DD helps accomplish is good communication skills. It lends a hand to breaking down walls of old outdated self preservation & leads to true, honest communication about everything. As you practice, this becomes something that is ingrained and bleeds into all aspects of your marriage and life. In order for DD to be successful you must communicate. All of those old habits of communication have to be reworked, relearned & replaced with healthy habits. Boy that is hard work! Worth it though! If you think that all of a sudden he is going to become the hoh of your dreams and give you rules & take you over his knee and everything is going to be perfect then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. There are moments that will come straight from your dreams. However the rest of it is let me say it again, hard work.

He has to get used to spanking the love of his life which is something he has been taught from day one never to do. You have to learn to submit when you absolutely do not want to and let me tell you that isn’t easy. You also may think you know how you will react to being told what to do and spanked, but you will surprise yourself from time to time. I know I have. Never fear you will get through these humps. The most important thing is to be honest and be willing to hear the other person out. It’s possible that he’s going to spank too hard (or too soft,) that you will revert to childlike behavior (this seems to be something that many of us go through for a bit. Trust me it will get old even to you,) he will forget that he’s in charge; you will forget that he’s in charge, and you both will fall back into old habits. There will be times where you both get it perfectly and it will be everything you ever imagined and more. DD can be such a beautiful thing. It is a very romantic way of life at its best. To me it’s worth it every day of the week.


Be sure to visit Spanking Romance Reviews to see my host post & check out the rest of the discussion at the links below!


28 comments:

  1. Yes, labels schmabels! Trying to fit yourself into a box someone else has created can be quite exhausting (and defeating). Great post Corinne! Thanks for hosting this time :)

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    1. It was my pleasure! I had fun with this one. It is exhausting & self denial when we try to limit ourselves to what works for someone else. We need to find what works for us & own it!

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  2. I love your advice, and your thoughts line up so much with mine. This is a great post and one I'll probably pull out and read occasionally when I find myself having some of these issues to remind myself that it's normal. Thanks so much for hosting and all of your patience and encouragement with technical difficulties.

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    1. I loved this topic & hope we revisit some of it's nuances in the future. It's nice to know we have support out there & others who have been there too! I'm so glad you joined in!

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  3. Corrine, how funny that you mention labels too- Thianna did as well and I didn't really think too much about it until seeing you mention them too. Such a good point that it's what works for you. I found myself discussing labels last night- in a BDSM context- and a friend complaining about people "who can't even say kink." - I said "well alternative sexuality works" to which he came back with "alternate is still judgmental." ugh yes, labels schambels. I love how you talk about "changing every year." It's one of those things with my Master and myself- we don't sit down for official, fancy, BDSM-erotica type negotiations; we talk stuff out as we need.

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    1. I love opening up these topics for discussion! It brings up so many great thoughts & perspectives! I always walk away with so much to think about & little revelations to myself.

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  4. You've really hit the nail on the head, Corrine. You have to morph the relationship as it goes along, be flexible, give yourself challenges and breaks as well. It's great that it's working so well for you. Keep going!

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    1. Thanks, Trish! Your post really hit home with me as well. I think that when we try to remain inflexible that's when we run into trouble.

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  5. What a great post! I love how you dont feel the need to label anything. I also love the penny jar idea, never heard of that before. :)

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    1. Thanks, Kenzie! It took a long time to get to the place where I realized that labels were holding us back more than helping us. It's true in other aspects of life as well. The penny jar method really gave us a good start. It was a visual reminder as well as a tangible act if putting the penny in the jar even though we didn't have time for a spanking at that moment.

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  6. Wow, Corinne, that post was sooo amazingly good. Loved every bit of it.
    I'm gonna echo Kenzie here, but that Penny Jar idea is awesome! I mean, hell--then you can be consistently held to account for your goals and rules without having to stop and get a spanking all the time. That can be emotionally and physically draining--so that idea works great! I'd never heard of maintenance spankings presented in that light--I'd always thought that it's just spankings for the sake of spankings every week, but you present it like an actual awesome tool. Fantastic! I might steal that idea... ;)

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    1. I love reading these posts and seeing new ideas and things in a new light! For me that's the best part of these circles! Maintenance really built our relationship in the beginning. It got us into the swing of things! We never looked at it as spanking just for the sake of it. It always served a purpose & I wouldn't trade those spankings for the world. I'm actually considering asking Jeff to bring the penny jar back. It's a great balance between taking care of things right now & putting it off until later (sometimes forgetting to revisit.) Thank you so much for participating, Korey! It really made my day that you did. Anytime you talk about your personal life it strikes a chord with me!

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  7. Beautiful post, Corinne! I agree labels schmables. I admire your path and your growth through DD.

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  8. Wow, Corinne. you make some fantastic points! "Order out of the chaos..." Yes, that is definitely it for me as well.

    I also agree about labels. If it works for you, it works for you. If it doesn't, it doesn't. No one should try to find another couple's DD mold, as it's such a highly individualistic thing.

    Great post!

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    1. "Order out of chaos" even that sentence brings me peace.

      Thanks, Jason's girl!

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  9. Great topic. DD is only the start. Each couple who chooses that route has to find their own way.

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    1. Very true! It's the beginning of a long & winding journey of self-discovery.

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  10. Great post, Corinne!
    I love reading your insights and experience. You put them in such a relatable way. :)

    I love the penny jar idea!

    And I totally agree about the labels!


    Keep writing these posts! You are amazing! And I love reading your words!
    Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

    And thanks again for hosting this month!
    :)

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  11. What a great post and worthwhile reading for couples exploring this, new to this and experienced.

    Thanks for hosting! This has been fun! I love your picture at the top (I know there' s a real name for that.)

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    1. Thank you so much, Leah, for participating! I love reading all of these different perspectives and experiences!

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  12. Corinne, to me you are and always have been like a lighthouse You are clear and open and bright and safe and constant. You've always spoken with me so openly about DD and shared your experiences and just are the #1 person I go to when I have questions or am feeling out of sorts with my other half. I think this post pretty much sums up everything I've ever thought. I so appreciate an honest, open, real description of DD. I think it can be powerful and that intimacy is so so specially and unique. I wish you and Jeff continued success and happiness and really - you need to write a non-fiction book on this. I'm so serious. Love you.

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  13. Corinne Alexander, I am pleased that you like to be spanked on your bare bottom.. Continue, this adventurers life of yours to your own fullest satisfaction. May your bare bottom blush many times over.

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