Round Table Discussion: Role Play in a DD Marriage

Round Table Discussion: Role Play in a DD Marriage

Welcome to this weeks Round Table Discussion - Community, Spanking, & More! Spanking romance author, Renee Rose will be leading the discussion on Role Play. I always love reading Renee's point of view on topics like these because she is always so authentically herself with her sexuality. The last Round Table discussion was deeply thought provoking for me. I enjoyed reading so many perspectives! This week's discussion is bound to be a blast! Don't be shy! Jump in and share your own thoughts about Role Play. I would love to hear your perspective as well! 

I am a role play convert. This last year my husband and I added role play to our spanking repertoire. Wow! I can’t believe what I’ve been missing out on for so long! In years past role play just didn’t appeal to me. I wanted the real thing so to me that meant distancing myself from anything that would be in any way pretend. I think in my mind I thought it would invalidate the domestic discipline relationship we were trying to create if we “acted out scenes” in any way. I am a firm believer that there is room for spankings of any kind in a DD relationship. It took time, but now that includes mine as well.

For as long as I can remember little scenes would pop into my head. They all revolved around spanking and domination and let’s just say I have a very fertile imagination. Earlier this year those little scenes that I was always creating in my head made their way onto paper. As I let my husband in on these fantasies I was writing he became very interested. In fact he couldn’t get them out of his head. My fantasies turned into his fantasies as well and then he even created his own.

By this point we had fully explored Domestic Discipline. During that period every single day was filled with excited adventure and discovery of these new roles and new life we had embarked on. At first it even felt like we were playing roles. You’ve heard the term “fake it until you make it.” That’s exactly what we did. We had discipline, we had maintenance, and we even had sexy spankings. 

However, there reaches a point in DD for many couples where the need to be spanked is still there, but it is counter intuitive to try to earn one for punishment. When one gives into that urge it is affectionately called bratting. If the only way you are getting your spanking needs met is through punishment it is going to take a negative toll on you within your psyche and self esteem or your marriage because you are striving for any attention even if it’s negative, which then leads to HOH burnout. Maintenance tends to not give the thrill of the energy exchange that earning a punishment & being completely dominated does. I knew I needed attention, release, and that adrenaline/endorphin rush that came with our early DD dynamic. However, we were busy with life and did not want to micromanage to the point where negative attention was the only way we had our needs satisfied. So when he suggested we act out my fantasies I was stoked!

It’s really funny but the idea had never even occurred to me that we could act out all of my little scenes! It almost feels like winning the lottery when I realized that I could slip inside the pages of my favorite books for a short time. We needed to create re-connection time. What better way and one we were  guaranteed to really anticipate, than role play. And so it began. He could spank me as hard as the scene warranted, we could try all of the new “punishments” (ginger root!) and other sexual acts that we had always wanted to within the scenes of our fantasies in far more creative ways, discarding the idea that it had to be fair or any of the other have to’s that real relationships are constrained by. We could just play and explore and be satisfied. We found that my need for submission and his for dominance were enhanced by this role play. It met a need while still allowing DD to do its job….to keep balance in our marriage.

Our role play adventures reconfirm our roles, and meet our needs in a deeply intimate way.  They are sexy, fun, and not even one bit awkward after you realize the places it can take you that are just not open to you in everyday life (well maybe a little bit, but you quickly lose yourself in the role.)

It’s such a relief to shake those every day shackles and inhibitions off to partake in the forbidden fruit every once in awhile. How freeing to be whoever and do whatever you want. Any adventure your wildest dreams take you on is yours. If you can’t imagine yourself possibly submitting to or performing something in your daily life these little mini vacations allow you to do just that without any real life consequences.  You have the absolute freedom to explore anything your mind can think up, meet any need you have, as long as your partner is willing.

I truly think role play has a place in every intimate relationship. It gives you an outlet for all of those things that are just not appropriate to express in everyday life. For DD couples it can give you an outlet to avoid many of the pitfalls that most couples experience in meeting those spanking and re-connection needs without bratting or possibly feeling restless when DD has done its job and there is no reason to spank otherwise. It’s often hard to release those inhibitions, but gosh does it feel good when you do!

Check out all of the Round Table Discussion posts with this linky list! Make sure to read Renee Rose's introduction post on Spanking Romance Reviews!