Thursday, February 20, 2014

Round Table Discussion - Being of an Age and Spanking: Changes & Transitions of a Spanking Relationship

Thank you Patricia Green for starting this thought provoking discussion! Let me start out with some basic facts about my husband and me. I am 35 years old and my husband is 39. We’ve been married for just shy of 15 years. Our DD relationship began almost 6 years ago. When contemplating Patricia Green’s topic, I was astounded at how hard it truly is to fathom what the changes in our spanking relationship will be when we are 50, 60, and 70 years old. We’ve only been at this for 6 years and the changes in our relationship and the spanking aspect have been remarkable. It’s hard to predict how things will change in 15, 25, & 30 years.

I can say that relatively with confidence because I could have never predicted how things would change throughout these last few years. I’ve changed, Jeff has changed, our marriage, & our needs have changed. There have been times when DD has been the main focus in our relationship. In the beginning this was especially true as I couldn’t imagine going even a week without a spanking. There have been times that we have taken DD very lightly and almost playfully and other times where it has been an extremely serious tool in our marriage and still others where spanking was something we used primarily in the bedroom to spice things up. There have certainly been times when I thought that I had no need for spanking at all and Jeff surprised me by thinking differently. Conversely there have been times I thought I needed a spanking & Jeff thought amnesty was the best course of action.

As I head toward menopause I am certain beyond a doubt that spanking as discipline will be rearing its head again very soon. All of the females in my family go through menopause early and it’s usually a doozy of a time. Despite only being 35 my kids are older with my oldest being 20 and my youngest being 13. We will reach the time of empty nesters before most. Because we have been on an accelerated course raising our children I wonder if age has as much to do with the stages we go through than the circumstances of our lives.

The question for me is, will I become more or less sensitive to punishment as I get older. I seem to be in a place right now where discipline is something that is more emotional for me. I can handle light warnings or playful acts of dominance that remind me that he is still in charge better than full on punishment sessions. A few years ago, I will admit, I actually craved the discipline & would have been mortally wounded if he had not carried through. It’s funny how a few years can change the way we respond to the same thing.

As I see that hormonal shift toward menopause I’m reminded of how off my rocker I was when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. I’m back to having a harder time being able to curb my tongue during those more hormonal times. I cry at the drop of a hat & feel very out of control at times. It will probably be of great benefit to have an anchor in my husband during that time. It will also help him hold on to sanity a bit himself as he helps me navigate these waters.

I wonder if he will mellow out more as he gets older or if he will ramp it up as our kids move out on their own. What about when we have grandkids? How much discipline will I actually need? Will I reach a precipice of everything evening out and not needing spanking anymore? Somehow I doubt it because spanking is a need I have deep inside me. It is a need I have always had. Always. How can something that is a part of who you are disappear? I don’t think it can. Sure it shifts and moves and changes, but it never goes away. My bigger question is how will he change?

I’m sure as we navigate these years to come DD & spanking will take turns we never expected. I have already learned to expect the unexpected in this lifestyle. All I know is that I am looking forward to every moment that I have with my husband no matter what direction our spanking relationship takes.

Be sure to visit Spanking Romance Reviews & the other participants in this discussion!
More thoughts in the comments!


  1. I think you're right. Our relationships change and grow so much over even the course of a year that it is hard to imagine 10-15 years down the road! I think everything is an ebb and flow and as you move through different phases of life you figure out what your needs are and even where spanking fits in to that.
    Great post, I always enjoy reading your insights!

  2. Hi Corinne, I enjoyed your perspective on this and totally agree that our relationships change over time and so does DD. We have certainly found this to be the case as we change and our needs change. We too have had times where DD has been the main focus, when it has been more playful etc. It really does seem to ebb and flow, but the one constant is spanking :)


  3. It's so hard to predict how one will change and what one will need. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

  4. You know I remember being a teen & young adult with this secret fantasy. That is all it was to me...a fantasy. I certainly wanted to play it out for fun as I got older. I remember playful spankings with a couple boyfriends and my husband for the first 9 years of my marriage. My DD fantasy was a closely guarded secret. One that I was sure would always be better kept in fantasy. We were both staunch feminists (aka humanists) and believed in human dignity & equality. I couldn't reconcile my desires with reality. You know what...we were young & immature & probably couldn't handle that dynamic back then. I think it's no mistake that I waited those 9 years. We both grew, matured, & built a solid foundation of trust during those years. The biggest thing I've learned is to never say never in my spanking lifestyle. We change, our needs change, our physical responses change & the way our spanking relationship is changes sometime unfathomably. There are things that Jeff & I do now that even 6 years ago (even 2 years ago) we could have never predicted we would feel comfortable with. Life is full of adventure if you let yourself take the ride.

  5. Trying to pick exactly what we're going to need in 10-20 years is almost impossible. Just sit back and enjoy the ride as you get there. One of the things I've noticed is that real punishment spankings have fallen by the wayside and what's replaced them is those spankings that I haven't earned but often feel like I just need. Hopefully, those won't ever go away. I can just imagine us as little old people:

    "Honey, go get my cane.....No, no, not that one. The walking cane...No, I said the WALKING ca--Woman! You're NOT this deaf!...*sigh*...Oh, all right. Hand it over."

  6. As always, you have a great way of incorporating the practical realities with the theories and of course the inner feminist. great post.

  7. Yes, it's impossible to know what life will be like in 10, 15, 20 years from now, because (thankfully) life has cycles and we grow. It's when we stop growing that we have to worry. It sounds to me as if you're growing together the way couples should strive to do -- with grace and love and a healthy dose of humor. I know you'll build new roads to travel together, whether that's tomorrow or 20 years from now. Thanks for mulling it over, Corinne.

  8. You're like my go-to person in this area Corinne. My mom also hit menopause early (mid 40s) so I'm curious how things will go with me. There are definitely some months where I'm completely crazy and I hope it's not a teaser of years to come!

    I think your post makes me see that you don't know what is to come but the theme throughout these posts is the same - at least in what I see. It's that you go that road together and figure it out together. I think that's the best part.

    I'm making myself teary! ;) xoxo

  9. wow, rather early menopause, Corinne. Sadly, I have a big gaping hole of no knowledge when it comes to how it's affected the women in my family. Plus my Master quips, with my bipolar, how will we tell when menopause is coming on for me? :D my Master talks about the "joelle minefield" that He has to walk with me... I've told Him "Just beat me more and my moods'll do better :D"

  10. Yes, it certainly does seem like our needs will change and flex. I think you have pointed out before how DD can be whatever you want or need it to be, and that's the beauty of contemplating the future.

  11. I always try to plan for the future, even just a few months from now, and it's never what I expect, yet I still keep trying to figure it out. Maybe the trick is knowing that whatever comes along, the two of you will be able to deal with it together.