Round Table Discussion: Domestic Discipline
I have spanking desires. I always have. I have been intrigued by DD (although it wasn’t called that yet at that point) since I was just barely an adult. Having a worthy male (my Husband) master me is irresistible. I long to be swept off of my feet and over his knee if need be. I like the idea that he can help me let go of everything that weighs on my mind all of the time, that he can help center me in a way that I have trouble doing for myself when left to my own devices. I also love that when he does “master” me all of that to do list falls to the wayside and I can focus 100% on him. Otherwise the “to do” list wins all too often. Sad but true.
My husband and I have been practicing DD for 5 ½ years. I think the way it looks in our relationship has changed every single year, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. At first we were all in. I surrendered to him completely. I vowed to obey him 100% all the time. We started with a few laid out rules and worked our way to more. By the time a year was up we had a nice list going. We had weekly maintenance & we worked discipline out in various ways until we found what worked for us. Weekly maintenance helped us get used to spanking/being spanked. For awhile that is when discipline happened as well. We used a penny jar system. If I earned a spanking I would have to add a penny to our jar. Pennies were worth one minute of spanking each. As soon as we were able we settled up.
CDD appealed to me the most during this time because there were so many amazing resources to read and work on. I have always been someone who needs both the head and the heart to work in synch (and let’s not forget the bottom.) I needed to study, read, & work through material to put my focus where I wanted it to be. Christianity has an abundance of resources. Mainstream did not. For two years we were well seated in the CDD label. At a point we were ready to expand our horizons. We were changing (my groups were changing too) & we were exploring new aspects of DD. We at that point moved on to LDD (Loving Domestic Discipline, which has evolved so much since the term was first coined.)
DD is a three-fold flame for me. First it creates order out of chaos for me. It keeps me well grounded and motivates me to physically “do life.” Secondly, the intimacy it creates is intoxicating. DD has enhanced our authentic communication, healed & eliminated any walls that we have built and quickly keeps new walls from forming, and allows an outlet for passion that builds up inside.
Every year new levels and layers are revealed of needs that can be met with DD. Some years it is household functions, others it is peeling back the layers & healing parts of us that are hurt or broken and creating new & healthier habits and still other years our focus is our sexuality and intimacy. Sometimes it’s all of this at once and others DD is just running in the background habits so ingrained that we don’t even realize that DD is still functioning, but yet it is there all the while.
I no longer label myself. We are not cdd, ldd, bdsm, or anything else. We are Jeff & Corinne. We use DD in our marriage & we incorporate all sorts of other things in for fun as well. That does not define us though. In all honestly I think labels shmabels. At some point labeling yourself only boxes you in. At first what felt freeing and like a light bulb moment becomes restrictive. As you explore yourself and your partner you find that you want to explore and incorporate things that don’t fit inside the box (a self imposed box might I add.) My advice at that point is NOT to compare yourself to others, but to get rid of the dang box!
If you want to mix sex and discipline there is nothing wrong with that! Conversely if it works better for you to keep it completely separate then by all means that is what you should do. If you want to add in butt plugs, ginger root, and frontal spanking there is nothing to stop you but yourself. Those who tell you it is wrong or not DD are wrong themselves. It just isn’t for them which is more than okay too. If corner time feels abusive then do not use it. If writing lines in addition to a spanking is the only way to really get through then do it. You can have as tame of a DD relationship as you desire or as spicy. And even if you play and are a spanko at heart you can still enjoy a very successful DD relationship. It’s all in the way that you map it out. If you only use spanking twice a year, yes, you are still in a DD relationship. It is normal to go through long periods of time without any discipline or even mention of DD. Life happens. I wouldn’t stress about it. It will circle back around.
DD does not solve all of life’s maladies. In fact it can become a malady itself. What I think DD helps accomplish is good communication skills. It lends a hand to breaking down walls of old outdated self preservation & leads to true, honest communication about everything. As you practice, this becomes something that is ingrained and bleeds into all aspects of your marriage and life. In order for DD to be successful you must communicate. All of those old habits of communication have to be reworked, relearned & replaced with healthy habits. Boy that is hard work! Worth it though! If you think that all of a sudden he is going to become the hoh of your dreams and give you rules & take you over his knee and everything is going to be perfect then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. There are moments that will come straight from your dreams. However the rest of it is let me say it again, hard work.
He has to get used to spanking the love of his life which is something he has been taught from day one never to do. You have to learn to submit when you absolutely do not want to and let me tell you that isn’t easy. You also may think you know how you will react to being told what to do and spanked, but you will surprise yourself from time to time. I know I have. Never fear you will get through these humps. The most important thing is to be honest and be willing to hear the other person out. It’s possible that he’s going to spank too hard (or too soft,) that you will revert to childlike behavior (this seems to be something that many of us go through for a bit. Trust me it will get old even to you,) he will forget that he’s in charge; you will forget that he’s in charge, and you both will fall back into old habits. There will be times where you both get it perfectly and it will be everything you ever imagined and more. DD can be such a beautiful thing. It is a very romantic way of life at its best. To me it’s worth it every day of the week.
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